Jadedness (A post, from the heart.)

Hello.

Yes, this post is about jadedness. The roller-coaster of my life is at one of those low ends before it skyrockets me into outerspace. Good things and bad things.

The good is that hopefully, it will really skyrocket me into outer space, and the bad? Well, seems like the roller-coaster is running low on energy and if someone pulls the plug, there goes my ride.

I've been at what I do for too long now, and as much as I love my work, sometimes, my "inner demons" eat me up alive. How so? Well, it's never easy when you hardly have control over what you do. You can't CHOOSE which movie you want to act in, which ad campaign you want to appear in, which brands wants to endorse you and so on and so forth. Generally, you just take whatever work you get and make the best out of it. (Ok, some people do get to make choices, because they're either filthy rich and don't have to do this for a living or they're already famous and they've got hoards of investors at their feet.)

Ok, so maybe I don't have the right to complain and say that I have to make ends meet because I seem to be making a decent living out of my work, but the point is that it never was the money that drove me. Cheesy as it may sound, it was "passion". Now? Now I feel like that flame is slowly but surely diminishing. No more oil already. Fire cannot burn.

And now, when I look back, I feel like I had what I had, and I did the best I could, and just like how the job chooses the person, the job is now un-choosing me. There isn't much I can do about it, really. And I guess this is the point where I flip tables and say "stuff it."

Air-tickets to my next destination please?